dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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