I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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