i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
