It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
