I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
