made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
