I just pynch a tree in the face
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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