Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
