Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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