Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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