So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
