Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
