My room smells like vodka and shame
My cat gives me a boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
