we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
