Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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