"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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