i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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