ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
