Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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