Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
