My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
