I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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