no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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