its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
