If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm really busy with my period
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