Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
