Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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