we have officially lost it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
