I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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