she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
