Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
