that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
