come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
