He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
