fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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