That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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