Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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