First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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