i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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