yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
