if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
