they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
