I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
