Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
