Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
