Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
