I'm so fucking centered right now
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
