Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
