dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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