The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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