i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
