u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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